total collapse
Climate collapse in six years. That's what someone said in a comment yesterday. I've heard 2050 and 2100, but this is the first time I've heard 2032. Whether this person has any idea what they're talking about, I couldn't say, but either way, just think about it for a second. Six years from today, chaos and suffering on a scale the world has never seen before. Locally maybe, but not globally.
The comment was made on the page of an activist who claimed that, essentially, the left in this country was no better than the right, and that everything "good" we see happening is actually just a psyop from the same billionaires who fund the right in order to placate us. We're completely on our own, and only he and a few others know the truth! I had only followed that guy a few hours earlier, but after looking more closely at his posts and reading a couple hundred comments, I had to unfollow. I can't spend my days going down endless rabbit holes that twist and turn and ultimately go nowhere. Everyone and everything is bad, I get it.
While I'm on the subject though, I will add that I do agree somewhat about the left. Not so much left-leaning politicians, but the citizens. So many of them are horrible. I don't talk to anyone in person so my knowledge is very limited, but for the chronically online at least, the more left someone is or claims to be, the more egotistical and argumentative they tend to be. Of course this is antithetical to what left-wing politics are supposed to be about, but these people don't really believe in what they preach. It's a game for them, a lifestyle, an aesthetic. They don't believe a real revolution will ever come, so they are free to go on speaking as if they're the only one who knows what's what and how things actually work, since they know they'll never have to prove themselves in the field. In a hypothetical world, it's easy to pretend that your ideas would be proven correct. I've read threads a hundred comments long where every single one amounts to "you're an idiot if you don't agree with me," and often this is in regards to the most trifling semantics. I'm not counting on these people to grow up and see the light any more than I'm counting on Trump supporters to do the same.
All of this occurred late at night, after I had already spent a considerable amount of time watching and reading about how AI is ALSO potentially going to end humanity in the next few years. In a bizarre twist that is difficult to comprehend, even people who work for the AI companies are saying it. "Hi there, sorry to have to bring bad news, but this product we're making which we could easily just stop making right now is going to destroy society by the end of the decade. Unfortunately there's nothing we can do about it so Godspeed everyone!" Yes, it is as insane as it sounds. Society has always been backward and messed up in a lot of ways, but in 2026 it is just maddening. I don't know how other people are keeping it together. Nobody seems to have made any major changes to their lives, at least from what I can see. If you didn't consume any news, including on social media, you would hardly have any idea that things were changing. The only clue you might have would be the weather, if you happened to be in an area that's already being affected in a major way. I thought Detroit would be a bit safer than other places due to our geography, but last week we had a tornado here (that went right by my apartment complex), the first since 1997.
After having spent all my physical and social energy going to an event, reading all those posts about how everything is a psyop and no one can be trusted put me over the edge. Total collapse, just like what will happen to the climate sooner or later. I started the day in a good mood, and ended it near maximum depression. It happens like that quite often. Having no social support, the only thing standing between keeping my balance and collapsing into a torrent of despair is my own resolve to rise above things. But sometimes I don't have the energy to fight, so I just let the torrent carry me where it will. Last night I let it take me. Today I have to disconnect myself and restart from scratch. Who am I? What do I need? What will make me feel good? If I don't answer these questions, I won't regain control. It's ironic, but my situation is such that in order to better be of service to the world, I have to almost completely stop paying attention to it. I'm already aware of the basic threats we're facing. Since I'm not in a position to be able to do much of anything yet, other than write, it is of no help for me to be constantly updated on the latest details throughout the day. The best way for me to help right now is to focus on becoming a fully-functioning human again.
The event I went to last night was an art opening. My original plan was to go swimming, but since I have a few open scrapes that I got from hauling branches last week, I decided not to risk getting into the water until they healed. So the art gallery was a spur of the moment thing. I haven't been going to art galleries this year, but since I was still riding a high from last weekend, I felt like I could do it. I saw it on Instagram, saw that it was that night, and said okay, I'll do that. It was on the other side of town in a building that I've been curious about since I first saw it, so getting to know that area better would be an extra bonus. It took me about forty-five minutes to ride my bike there. When I left, I was in a decent mood but not overly excited. But on the way there I got somewhat tired physically, and my OCD tics, which currently involve twisting my shoulder and neck around, got the better of me, so I became very self-conscious as well, and disappointed in myself for not being able to control it better.
There were maybe a dozen people in the gallery when I arrived, including the artist, who I have never met but recognized from her picture. I went straight to looking at the art, which was what I came for. A lot of small paintings that you need to get up close to to really appreciate. Everyone there was conversing with someone else, and being the lone person who was really looking at the art (at first), I had to fight against feeling even more self-conscious. Like who is this random person who showed up? Did someone invite him? I tried very hard to focus on the art and not disassociate by hearing snippets of conversations and imagining what the people were like. I tried to see each painting in several different ways, allowing it to network with my neurons and for the moment become my whole world. After I had thoroughly looked at every piece, there was nothing left to do but leave. The only person I would have had any reason to talk to was the artist, but being already a bit depressed, I didn't have it in me to try and interrupt her conversation to say something. She was in a circle of several people the entire time I was there, and if I tried to speak to her, every one of them would have shifted their attention to me, as if I had something really important to say.
After I left, I stopped for a break on the ride home and sent her a message, which I didn't know if she would ever see since she isn't following me and it might go to spam, to say that I had been there and liked her art, but didn't say anything because I don't like interrupting people. I felt bad for not saying anything when I was there, especially since there weren't a lot of people there. This morning she wrote me back to say thanks, and that she really appreciates it, and that was that.
This last weekend was Labor Day. Saturday and Sunday I had gone to the jazz festival downtown, first to see someone in particular and the second day just to see whoever was playing when I got there. On Monday I decided to switch it up and go to Hamtramck. I got there at 1:30ish, just in time to see the parade. After it ended, I went inside the fair proper and got a drink. For the next five hours or so, I kept walking back forth between the two stages to watch the bands. All of them were so good. In between was the WWE style "wrestling," which, after having had several drinks, was entertaining enough. When no bands were playing, I just walked around or sat and people watched. Despite feeling super good and being surrounded by more weird people than I've been around in a long time, I didn't talk to a single person. Amazingly, after being out in the sun all day and having five or six drinks, I managed to go home and be productive instead of falling asleep or binging on junk food. It's truly incredible how well I can function when I actually feel hopeful. But not every day can be a literal parade followed by a bunch of good music.
Maybe you already understand the point of telling those stories. People think it's so easy to make friends, that all you have to do is "go out." I've been out hundreds of times since I moved to Detroit and I have not made a single friend. The only two people I know, I know because they live in my building, and one has since moved. I could count on one hand the number of times I've had anything approaching a good conversation with someone. If I was younger and happier, sure. But as someone in their late forties who is often depressed, who feels like they don't belong anywhere, and who doesn't really trust people anymore, the chances that I will make an actual friend just by going out are astronomically low.
I've come to terms with the likelihood that no one is coming. I'll be alone from here on out unless I win the astronomically low lottery. My life must be built around that assumption, around learning how to find peace and clarity in an increasingly cruel and nonsensical world that becomes a waking nightmare if you look directly at it for too long, without a single person to make me feel sane.
No one really says "good vibes only" anymore. It's hard to say exactly when something faded out. Just one day you remember it and notice that it's gone. But whether they're saying it or not, people are still living by it. As far as I can tell, almost everyone who I am connected to in any way is doing the good vibes only thing. I see plenty of "negativity only" people on the internet, but I stay away from them since they will quickly drag me down. What I don't see are a lot of people who are just willing to be real, to be in whatever mood the moment calls for, and to be willing to speak of things that are both uplifting and sad or scary.
As I was proofreading this just now, I think I answered my own question. I said towards the beginning that I didn't know how people were keeping it together. They are keeping it together by being positive vibes only people, and by not consuming too much news, which they equate to doomscrolling. They sense their own weakness, their own limits, and they know that if they learn too much they might not be able to hold it all in while maintaining their lifestyle. The result would be total collapse. The negativity only people are people who have collapsed already, some of them so long ago that they don't even remember what it's like to feel decent. The reason why there are so few people in the middle is because for most of us, knowing how to manage yourself and maintain stability and sanity in the face of potential societal collapse is a learned skill, one that your therapist is probably not going to be able to teach you. We don't know how to do it because we've never done it, and so we avoid it in the hopes that it will never be necessary.
~
September 9th, 2026